


Scratching The Floorboards

by reedbuck



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Demon!Kylo, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Monster Under The Bed AU, Sexual References, but also totally detached and never fully comprehending his situation, hux is pitifully in love with the voice under his bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 23:59:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6929659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reedbuck/pseuds/reedbuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear diary,</p><p>It still hasn’t moved from under the bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scratching The Floorboards

_Dear diary,_

_It still hasn’t moved from under the bed. I’ve become accustomed to it scratching the panels and the floorboards, though I don’t appreciate the effort it puts into keeping me up at night. I’ve yet to check what it is, although I have taken precautions and equipped myself with a pocket knife. Tonight, I will conduct an experiment. Wish me luck._

_Hux_

He ended the note with a flourishing signature, then laid his pen neatly beside the leather booklet. Hux was very possibly one of the few people nowadays to keep a diary. Or as he liked to call it, a journal, despite how he greeted it diligently with ‘dear diary’ ever night. He defiantly believed that only children kept diaries, and memorable men kept journals. While Hux didn’t actively plan on becoming anything that could even remotely be named a ‘memorable’ person, his prowess at his job lead him to be known as quite the prodigy among his peers. They called him 'General', though whether out of respect or mocking, Hux did not care.

 

General Hux. It had a pleasant ring to it. He supposed he could allow them to continue without consequence, for the time being at least.

 

Tonight, titles aside, Hux planned on confronting the creature beneath his bed. ‘Creature’ was a strangely fond term, compared to ‘beast’ or ‘monster’. Similarly to his own title, creature had a pleasant ring to it. While he was not, in fact, at all fond of the thing, if it ever chose to emerge Hux would rather not anger it by calling it a hell-bred monstrosity.

 

More than anything, Hux wanted it gone. Whatever it was. He was yet to gauge what it was or even how large it was, though he knew for sure it had claws because it had a nasty habit of dragging them down the wooden slats in the middle of the night. It seemed the most active then, so Hux had decided to wait it out.

 

He’d like to believe it was just an animal that had crept into his apartment, though he knew for sure it wasn’t. Hux could practically feel its presence, wavering and unnatural like something bred from the darkness itself. A funny thought to harbor, but he couldn’t shake it from his mind.

 

As midnight rolled around, Hux flicked his light off and sat in bed. He sat on top of the sheets with his legs folded beneath him, phone in one hand and knife in the other. Waiting. Eventually, he heard it; a soft scraping noise, claws gouging wood, as if Millicent was using one of her scratching posts right beside his ear. Hux wet his lips, swallowed thickly, and shifted where he sat.

 

“What do you want?” He made his conscious presence known, and was greeted with an uncomfortable silence.

 

“What do you want?” Eventually a voice copied, slowly, tone slippery and words thick as if it was testing each vowel and consonant on its tongue. Hux felt his body freeze over instantly, his grip going tight on the knife and goose bumps raising on his arms. It could _speak?_ Hux… he hadn’t expected it to speak back, and he definitely hadn’t expected it to send jolts down his spine.

 

“I asked first.”

 

“I asked second.” It sounded amused, voice still heavy and low, perforated by what sounded like soft clicks and chitters. Maybe Hux was imagining those. What he knew he wasn’t imagining was a deep baritone with a silky accent, something unlike Hux had ever heard. He’d almost describe it as inhuman.

 

“I want you to get out from under my bed.” Hux snapped immediately, and was met by a loud chitter before he’d even finished. “I want you to-“He started again, and was interrupted once more by the irritating noise. “Stop that!”

 

It laughed, then, in that same low voice. Hux was captivated, but nonetheless irritated.

 

“You’re funny.” It drawled. “Humans always are.”

 

“You’re saying you’re… not human?”

 

“I was, once. But no more.”

 

What was that supposed to mean? It used to be human? Hux’s eyebrows drew together as he blinked uselessly into the darkness. Then, he made up his mind. He was going to look under the bed. Swinging his legs off, he let his feet dangle over the edge. He was about to set them down and stand, when-

 

“ _You let those things touch the floor and I’ll slice your arteries open and leave you to bleed.”_

 

Instead of responding like a sensible human and, you know, screaming or something, Hux slowly pulled his feet up. His breath was just about stuck in his chest, circulating in quick puffs that didn’t help him to stay calm.

 

“Don’t leave.” Hux whispered.

 

“…You’re lonely, aren’t you? Lonely enough to take the company of the monster beneath your bed? You facetious thing, you.” The creature simpered, then began to laugh. Hux gave it a taste of its own medicine and cut it off partway.

 

“ _What_ do you _want?_ ” He hissed, thumping his heel on the frame of the bed. Maybe to jolt it, maybe to ground himself, maybe to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Just go to sleep, general, we’ll talk more tomorrow…”

 

****

 

_Dear diary,_

_Day three, and I’ve made contact with the creature beneath my bed. I am yet to learn its name, but I have learned quickly that it is not human. It can speak plain English, albeit with a dialect I’ve never come across, and it has quite the attitude. I have also learned that it is dangerous, and may have a temper. Either that, or it wants to see me scared. It’ll have to try harder than that._

_Hux._

Midnight ticked over, and the scratching followed. Hux was already laid out on his bed, on top of the blankets once more.

 

“Is that your way of saying hello?” He asked, turning his head to the side so that his ear was pressed to the bed, listening for any signs of life. Faintly, he heard soft, slow breathing, and the gentle creak of the bedframe synchronously expanding and depressing.

 

“Just checking if you were awake, that’s all.”

 

“Well, I am. It’s not as if I can sleep with you making that incessant noise all night.”

 

“That’s sort of the point.”

 

“Well, _creature_ , I’d prefer if you ceased and desisted at once, before I lose anymore sleep.”

 

“But I like listening to you speak, _human_ , and when else could I do it other than the middle of the night?”

 

“How about the middle of the day? Then you could come out from under there, and we could have a real conversation.”

 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Hux.”

 

“...How do you know my name?”

 

Silence. Hux had nearly fallen asleep when he heard it speak again.

 

“My name is Kylo. I hope that evens the playing field a little.”

 

****

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Day four. Its name is Kylo. I do not know what pronouns it uses, but tonight, I’m going to find out. It refuses to come out for reasons it won’t explain, so I am going to reinstate my question in hopes of getting an answer. Kylo is tricky, I don’t know how it knows what it knows, but I plan to proceed cautiously._

_Hux_

Day four, nine hours sleep overall. Hux had been staying up so late to talk to Kylo that he’d almost forgotten he needed sleep. Talking to Kylo was an experience, he was a tad loath to admit that he liked the sound of its voice. Of course he would, it’s the only thing he knows about Kylo. He didn’t know what it looked like, how it acted, its mannerisms. He had nothing to admire but that silky, broad drawl.

 

“Kylo?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Are you a man?”

 

“I... have no discernible gender. I don't follow your human binary.”

 

“But _were_ you a man?”

 

“I believe that’s a rude question to ask.”

 

“Fine. What should I refer to you by?”

 

“Anything you want. You may think of me as a man if you’d like, but in my true form I barely resemble one nowadays.”

 

“…Will you come out tonight? And show me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay.”

 

****

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Day five. I’ve decided to use male pronouns for Kylo, for he does not seem to mind those. Something I thought was curious was how he told me he “barely resembles a man in his true form” anymore, when I questioned him. I wonder what he looks like. Does he look like a human, or maybe more like a bird? Does he have scales? Wings? Perhaps he has no physical body, and I am merely talking to an incorporeal entity. Perhaps I’ve been talking to myself all along. How ironic. I asked him again to come out, but he refused. I may as well persist._

_Hux_

That night, Hux found himself rubbing his eyes. Still awake, still sitting up, but yawning every few minutes. He hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep since before the creature under his bed had shown up, but he still didn’t mind as much as he could. He wanted to learn as much as possible about Kylo, fearing he might just leave one night without notice. Or kill him. But you know.

 

“What are you, if not a human?” He asked that night. There was a long silence in which nothing happened, so Hux decided to continue unabated. “An existential nightmare, I suppose? A figment of my imagination? A monster?”

 

“You think I’m a monster?”

 

“Not necessarily, no, but you do hide under my bed and never let me see your face.”

 

“What do you think you’d see?”

 

“What?”

 

“If I showed you my face?”

 

“A creature. A man. I have an image in my head, would you like me to draw it? I can pass it down to you tomorrow night, perhaps.”

 

“…Sure. I’d like that.”

 

****

 

_Dear Diary,_

_It’s trivial, how Kylo acts. He’s like a tentative animal, and I’m showing him my palm. He hasn’t threatened me since I tried to leave my bed a few nights ago, and I’m gradually becoming less and less wary in his presence. I told him I would draw him, just to see how accurate my imagination is, and I’m going to pass it beneath the bed tonight. Hopefully, it won’t just slide to the other side._

_I’d be disappointed if Kylo didn’t accept my gift._

_Hux_

And so, draw he did. Hux had never been a spectacular artist, but he had an eye for proportion. There was a very particular image of a young man in his head; someone very handsome, but not in the conventional way. He was well aware of the soft scratching behind him as he sketched, knowing that Kylo was waiting.

 

“Is it done yet?” Kylo asked, his tone impatient, surprisingly.

 

“You can’t rush art, Kylo. Give me time, I want to get this right.” He muttered, drawing coils of black hair and droopy eyes to the best of his ability. The mouth he drew may have looked a little feminine in comparison to everything else, but that had been his intention. The only thing wrong with the drawing was that it was too... human. Something he knew Kylo was not. Slowly picking himself up out of the chair, he walked to the edge of his bed.

 

“Here.” He said, crouching down and slipping the page under the bed. For the few seconds his hand disappeared into the darkness, the felt an ice cold sensation creep up his arm, like cold water pulled in an uphill tide. Then, abruptly, the sheet of paper was pulled away from him.

 

He’d expected Kylo to peek out to look at it in the light (a plan he’d honestly thought would work) but he must have some sort of night vision, because the page alone emerged seconds later.

 

“You’re missing a lot of detail, general. Get me a pen.” Kylo scoffed in amusement, especially when Hux stumbled up to his feet and over to his desk. He retrieved a pen and slid both it and the paper back beneath the bed. A few seconds later and Hux could hear the scratching of the pen on paper. Then, it slid back out. Kylo had left Hux’s drawing untouched, but something was scratched into the paper beside it.

 

It looked like a child had drawn it. Wobbly outlines and half-assed scrawling to fill in the lines, but it got the point across well enough. Hux felt himself rapidly pale, and slowly stand with the page in hand.

 

“You’re—“

 

“A monster?”

 

Hux slept on the couch that night.

 

****

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Day seven. Kylo drew me a picture of himself, which I’ve stored inside this book. I don’t know when I’ll be sleeping in my own bed again._

_Hux_

 

****

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Day eleven. I’m sick of sleeping on the couch. Tonight is the night I return to bed, but I’m unsure whether I want to hear from Kylo or not. I haven’t been able to sleep without the sound of his breathing, or the way he makes the bedframe shudder with his growls, as if his strength is bone deep and fills the entire room. It’s funny how he makes me wax poetic, like some lovesick fool. I hope I haven’t offended him somehow._

_Hux_

Ever so slowly, Hux approached his bedroom. It had been four days since he last slept in his own bed and his back was killing him. The couch wasn’t made for sleeping on, and he really should’ve thought better after the first day. And yet, he hadn’t been able to return until now, as the thought of confronting Kylo after that little ordeal was… scary. Not many things scared Hux, but that childish scribble had sent shards of ice through him.

 

The room was uncharacteristically silent, no humming of the heater or gentle breaths.

 

 _“Do you have a deathwish?”_ Kylo’s slow rumble came from the dark. Hux’s throat felt tight as he remained silent and reached for the light switch.

 

_“Don’t you flick that switch, don’t you fucking dare.”_

“Or what? You’ll come over here and strangle me yourself?” Hux said dangerously, his fingers brushing over the switch, nearly trembling as he tested himself. Flick it, he told himself, _do it._ Hux heard a soft chitter, but when he flipped the switch Kylo was already there.

 

A howl of terror tore itself from Hux’s throat before the beast had even leapt on him. He tried to scream bloody murder, but found a hand clamped over his mouth, and a heavy body bearing down on him. Hux stumbled backwards, hit the floor with a grand thump, and was immediately encompassed in darkness. No, _blackness._

 

The first thing he noticed was the overwhelming scent of a forest fire. Smoky and smothering, invading his nostrils and triggering his sinuses. The second thing he noticed were the pinpricks of pain in his jaw, and came to realise that the long fingers curved around his face were tipped with claws. The last thing he saw were Kylo’s eyes (a striking shade of yellow, almost golden, and pupil-less) before the hulking body lifted away and stumbled backwards, as if surprised. A look of shock crossed Kylo’s face, most likely mirroring Hux’s astonishment.

 

_This was Kylo. This was the monster under his bed. He was exactly what Hux had imagined him to be – the human part of him, at least. The rest of him, well… that was accurate too. He was taller than Hux expected, towering high above Hux. His robes were so black, almost light-absorbing in that he felt as if he was looking into a void of space rather than an intricate outfit, and seemed to fade into the floorboards at his feet. His legs must go on for miles. Kylo was not scaly or feathery like Hux might’ve imagined, but boy was he tall. When his upper lip curled back to bare his teeth, Hux could see they were slightly crooked, his canines ever so slightly longer than the rest, like the fangs of a beast. He _was_ a beast, Hux reminded himself. And that wasn’t even mentioning the horns. He hadn’t noticed them until he considered Kylo’s hair again, and saw them curling out the sides of his head, overgrown and spiralling, tipped in gold and fading into the same deep black as his hair._

 

“So this is you.” Hux whispered, slowly sitting up. Kylo was still staring at him with wide, bright eyes, his long lashes casting spidery shadows across his cheekbones. Hux could hear the phantom noise of his breathing, but he never saw Kylo’s chest do anything other than remain very, impossibly still. Hux wanted to press his ear to it, listen for a heartbeat or a hum or a buzz, and fathom whether it might sound cold like his presence or warm like Hux’s bed.

 

“..This is me.” Kylo said, and it was almost amusing to see the awkward lilt in his stance. Not so tough in the light, huh?

 

“You’re not as scary as I thought you would be. What are you?”

 

“Wait… how are you not afraid?”

 

“I don’t know. What _are_ you? A poltergeist? Some sort of incubus?” Hux approached Kylo without fear, who looked struck by confusion and confliction. He tried to back away, but Hux grabbed his robe and used it to yank him down to his level. Swiftly, he grabbed the creature’s face in both hands and squeezed his thumbs into his cheeks to push those plush lips open. Kylo had no option but to comply, his movements small and jerky as he tried to pull away, his pointed tongue pressed to his palate and struggling not to move as he made again an awkward, chirpy noise deep in his throat.

 

Abruptly, Kylo jerked out of Hux’s grip and gingerly touched his own cheek with a pale hand, his long, claw-tipped fingers blackened like his horns.

“An incubus? Don’t be ridiculous.” Kylo scoffed, his arm snapping back to his side as he straightened up to his full height. Hux had trouble craning his neck to look up at Kylo because of how tall he was, but being the trooper he was, he tried anyway. “I’m a demon.” Kylo said, proudly.

 

And despite his best interests, Hux let out a snort. Kylo’s smug smirk immediately fell, and his lip curled again in a snarl.

 

“Is that funny, to you? I came here to kill you, I painstakingly moulded my image around what _you_ fear the most, why the fuck are you laughing?!”

 

Hold up. His greatest fears? Hux’s brows drew together in an instant, causing Kylo to slowly calm down, in turn. Hux stared at him, trying to piece together what parts of Kylo could possibly represent these ‘fears’ of his.

 

His eyes darted over Kylo's face, though they saw very little at this point. His heart was beating too fast to have seen anything other than the spiralling horns sticking out like sore thumbs from the sides of Kylo's head. Wait a second.. horns? A particular sheep came to mind, all of a sudden. One with sunken eyes and a temper to rival Kylo’s, wearing wool so matted it would take a hunting blade to shear it. It was during an agricultural excursion in middle school, when their little class of 19 had been lead around a farm and handed pellets to feed the animals, that he’d seen it. The farmhand had warned everyone to be wary of it because of its irritable personality, but Hux, being the brave and stupid show-off that he was, wanted to walk right up to it.

 

_Hux could feel the searing gaze of his classmates’ eyes on his back as he approached the old ram, and the cold gaze of the animal, watching him also. He wanted a story to take home to his father, something he could brag about. He could practically see it; his father would come home and pat him on his back, then tell him he had the potential to be something great one day. Obviously, his fantasy of praise was a little disillusioned, but since when had Hux’s head been screwed on right anyway?_

_The sheep bleated while he wasn’t paying attention, an ugly noise that grated on Hux’s ears, and stamped its hooves when Hux offered his hand to sniff. He wasn’t shaking, he wasn’t afraid._

 

And then there was nothing. There laid a huge gap in his memories leading up to Hux finding himself in a clinical hospital bed after being gored by the sheep’s mangy horns. He remembered feeling hollow, as if the sheep had hooked his intestines on a prong and unravelled them like a pink spool of thread. But he knew inside that it was because the nurse had walked in not ten minutes earlier and told him that his father couldn’t make it to see him.

 

_“Has my father been in contact?” Hux remembered saying, his hand resting over the bandaged wound on his flank. His eyelids were heavy from the pain killers they’d injected him with, and everything he heard sounded as if it was filtered through a layer of cotton. He’d seen the nurse’s mouth move, but he hadn’t heard her speak. He knew what she was saying._

_‘Father can’t postpone his business trip’_

_‘Father doesn’t care enough to postpone his business trip’_

_‘Father doesn’t care’_

_‘Father doesn-_

That’s enough of that. Hux swallowed thickly, blinked three times in rapid succession. When he surfaced from his memories and looked up at Kylo, the creature looked pleased. There was a broad grin splitting his lips, and his head was ever so slightly upturned in a show of dominance.

 

Hux’s eyes flicked over Kylo’s face, noting the septum jewellery hanging from his nose and the golden rings through his ears, which were tapered to subtle points. His eyes switched to inspect Kylo’s hands next, and the sharp claws tipping his fingers. Another memory came to mind, even as Hux tried and tried and fucking tried not to imagine it.

 

_Hux was hunched over his desk in a dreary classroom, barely 17. His breath came in shallow but inaudible hiccups, hands shaking, fingers furled so that his nails dug into his palms. He stared directly ahead rather than at the assignment on his desk, refusing to look at the mark that had the potential to destroy his whole career. He failed his assignment, which mean he could fail his subject, which meant stress, which meant failing more subjects which meant no college which meant no education which meant no career which meant no money which meant being thrown out on the street whichmeantbeingadisappointmenttohisparentswhichmeant-_

_“Hux! Hux, look at me.” Phasma snapped her fingers in front of his face. Hux’s hands clenched even tighter together, his eyes watery and searching immediately for comfort in Phasma’s gaze. Phasma, however, was staring at the desk. His assignment? No wonder. No, wait. His hands. Blood dripped through his palms onto the paper. He slowly unfurled his fingers to find that his fingernails had gouged so deep into the skin that they’d drawn eight bloody, perfectly shaped crescents._

“Your fear smells good.” Kylo purred, his grin wicked and sharp as he slowly advanced on Hux, who backed away step by step at the same time. “You must be dredging up some real dark memories, huh? I’ve ne-”

 

“Stop. Shut up, and just answer me this. If you represent my worst fears,” Hux interrupted as soon as he could will himself to speak, his voice harbouring an unintentional shake. “Then why aren’t you hideous and deformed? Why did you choose to pose as somebody attractive?”

 

“I didn’t choose to look like this. You did, subconsciously. Do you recognise something in this face?”

 

In fact, Hux did. He saw his ex-wife, and the man he’d had an affair with at the same time. He saw both of them staring back at him, with stunning golden eyes and the devil’s grin. Her mouth, his hair, her eyes, his nose. He didn’t even have to recall a specific memory for that one to hit close to home.

 

He missed them. Both of them. But Hux had been greedy, had taken advantage of his wife’s honourable and doting nature, and had indulged behind her back. His boyfriend hadn’t realised, either. Thought he was single and lonely, and needed somebody to coddle and be coddled by. Hux had ruined them both, in a way.

 

“Oh, despair too? I am _loving_ this.” The cackle that passed Kylo’s lips was delirious, sounding more like an animal made it than a pseudo-human, which reminded Hux that this _thing_ was not his exes. Kylo was not a temperamental ram, or the embodiment of a panic attack. He was a demon, and Hux-- well. Hux had a knife.

 

He lunged to the side of Kylo as soon as the idea sprang to mind, running in leaps and bounds for his bed. His pocket knife sat precariously on the edge of his bedside table, his fingertips itching to hold it. To brandish it. Hux stretched his arm out to snatch it up, but felt his heart drop when he fell short as a hand encircled his ankle. Taking the opportunity, Kylo dragged him down to the floor with what seemed like no effort at all on his part. In a split second, the creature was on top of him again. With one knee on either side of his chest, Kylo positively towered over the top of Hux. His teeth were bared in a feral snarl, eyes vibrant and a little too wide.

 

 _“You’re mine, lover boy. I’m going to enjoy watching you die.”_ Kylo growled, grabbing Hux’s chin between his index finger and thumb. For a second, his expression softened, and his claw pressed almost affectionately to Hux’s lower lip. Then, the malice returned and the nail dug in. Hux hissed as he felt blood well and fill the hollow beneath the demon’s fingernail. With a low, satisfied humming noise that sent vibrations through Hux merely by association, Kylo then brought the nail to his mouth and lewdly sucked the blood off. _“You know, I’ve never met somebody so good at pretending they don’t have feelings. I can feel them all, your fright, your anger, your… maddening arousal.”_ A strange, tittering laugh escaped Kylo, the sound akin to tinkling glass.

 

 _“Don’t look at me like that. People experience a lot of emotions before they’re about to die, you needn’t be embarrassed.”_ He simpered in amusement, pressing his thumb back into Hux’s mouth and easing his jaw open. Hux, however, refused to comply, and wrenched his head to the side.

 

“I’m not embarrassed, and I’m _not_ afraid.” He snapped, tongue flitting over his cut lip. His cheeks were hot with humiliation, especially knowing that Kylo could tell he was lying just by looking at him. But instead of jeering, Kylo’s eyes seemed to widen slightly again. Then, in a split second, he was pressing he cheek up to Hux’s, rubbing them together and… purring?

 

Purring, for real. Just like Millicent.

 

“You’re so warm.” Kylo chirped beneath his breath, his voice taking on that odd slur like when Hux first began to speak to him. His lips brushing across Hux’s jaw on multiple occasions, making him shiver involuntarily. When Kylo pulled back and opened his mouth to speak, Hux made his move before he could even get another thought in.

 

His hands wrapped tight around the base of Kylo’s horns, pulling him in for a crushing kiss. The beast’s purring only grew louder, and seemed to vibrate between Hux’s teeth. It made his lips tingle and his tongue feel thick, even as Kylo was enthusiastically trying to will it to move. He kissed like he was trying to consume Hux – which wouldn’t be surprising if it were true. When Hux broke the kiss to take a breather, Kylo continued pressing kisses wherever he could reach. Which was everywhere.

 

“Your emotions, they’re so—“ Kylo made the chittering noise again, abruptly burying his face into Hux’s neck and inhaling deeply. He found the redhead’s hands and promptly pinned them above his head. _“Pure.”_ He growled, the guttural tone alone making Hux’s breath hitch in his chest.

 

“Fuck me.” Hux gritted out, squirming in impatience beneath Kylo. Kylo slowly raised his head, his eyes showing surprise and thinly veiled lust. His tongue flitted over his lips, before he was sitting up, still perched on Hux’s chest. Thinking better, he stood up and held out a clawed hand to help Hux up.

 

He wasn’t afraid of those claws anymore, or the horns either. Not when he was imagining how good nails might feel digging into his hips, or how Kylo’s horns couldn’t unspool his insides when Hux was using them as handlebars to ride him. Hux dug his teeth into his lower lip to keep himself from asking something dumb of Kylo, taking the hand held out to him instead.

 

“I never imagined I’d get to do this with a demon.” Hux’s lips quirked up slightly, his fingers going to the buttons on his shirt, deftly undoing them. He was quickly able to shed his shirt, though when he looked back at Kylo, the beast hadn’t moved. “Are you going to take that robe off? Or do you plan to take me from behind so I don’t get to see your body?”

 

“No. I’m just… thinking.” Kylo’s expression shifted slightly, his eyebrows lowering in thought. “Your subconscious made me look like I do, so you must’ve imagined what I look like underneath this. I’m just not sure what to expect.” He fidgeted with the clasp of the cape draped elegantly around his shoulders. Hux scoffed, slapping his hands away to briskly unclasp it himself. He undid the robe and ran his hands down the simple, black clothing beneath. Kylo, huffing in impatience, only got as far as unbuttoning his shirt before making an astonished noise.

 

“T _his_ is one of your greatest fears? _”_ Kylo gaped, while Hux’s fingers trailed over toned abdominal muscles and a defined V-line. Hux could only hum and press his lips to the base of Kylo’s neck.

 

“My ex.” He muttered, feeling nimble fingers on his waists. “He had a body like this. I always felt so meagre in comparison. ..You even have his tattoo.” Hux felt his lips downturn at the edges, fingertips brushing the delicate tattoo of a tiger on his side. He caught Kylo’s eye unintentionally, and saw a strange sort of sadness there. Without a word, Kylo pressed Hux’s hand over the tattoo and lead it from top to bottom, slowly, so that he could see the picture lift away and disappear. Like magic, he thought, before remembering the seemingly impossible events that had transpired over the last eleven days.

 

“Kylo?” He whispered, hand refusing to leave the demon’s side. “What made you change your mind? You wanted to kill me ten minutes ago.”

 

“You’re not afraid of me.” Kylo said, fingers skimming up and down Hux’s sides, nails like a lethal reminder.  “I’ve never met somebody who hasn’t run screaming after seeing me. Generally, people don’t fear their exes and sheep, but you get some weird ones.”

 

Hux hummed in thought, more than a little distracted by the brush of claws along the sensitive skin of his ribs. He felt one nail move as if tracing them meticulously, counting each bone with gentle presses and touches that smoothed across his skin and left a cold sensation in their wake. Like when he’d stuck his arm under the bed barely four days ago, and felt the sensation of coolness lapping at his skin to the rhythm of a stuttering heartbeat.

“I’m not frightened by sheep, or my exes, or the scars in my palms. I think it’s a little more obscure than that. Not something you can easily embody.”

 

That’s right-- that had to be it. He knew now.

 

Hux wasn’t afraid of sheep, he was afraid of dying alone without being able to say goodbye.

Hux wasn’t afraid of his exes, he was afraid of commitment.

Hux wasn’t afraid of his panic attacks, he was afraid of failure.

He was afraid of feeling numb.

 

Kylo gripped Hux’s upper arms very suddenly, having bent down in the time it took the redhead to space out. Hux found himself staring into golden eyes, emotive and huge and still so sad.

“Hux,” Kylo’s eyes softened as he swept a wayward lock of hair out of Hux’s face. “I’ll make sure you don’t feel numb.” He whispered, his lips pressing to the corner of Hux’s.

 

Then, Hux felt himself being pushed backwards. Carefully, slowly. Kylo was leading him to the bed, pushing him down and straddling his legs once more. Hux let his arms lay where they fell, one hanging over the edge of the bed and the other across his stomach. He looked up at Kylo, finding the look of concentration on his face as he figured out how to get his robe off to be strangely endearing. A small smile crept onto his lips to see the man (he’d stopped using beast, because Kylo was so much more than that) with his tongue between his teeth, finally able to throw his robe off without getting it tangled.

 

A chuckle of amusement slipped his lips, causing Kylo to look up with confusion written all over his face. Seizing the moment, Hux grabbed the other’s face in both hands and dragged him down for a kiss. Not messy or impatient like before, but slow and languid and just what Hux needed.

 

Despite himself and despite how much he was looking forwards for what was to come, Hux felt sleep weigh heavily on his mind. He hadn’t had a good night sleep in days, it was no wonder he was so tired. Faintly, he heard Kylo mutter something against his lips, before a familiar gap slotted itself into his memory.

 

When he woke in the morning, he was comfortably tucked beneath the blankets. His shirt was folded messily at the end of the bed, but the effort put into it brought a tiny smile to his lips. The faint smell of a forest fire lingered in the air. Kylo was nowhere to be seen, and yet, Hux didn’t feel distress. There was always tonight, after all.

 

****

_Dear Diary,_

_Day twelve. I think Kylo plans to stay. I hope he does._

_Hux_

**Author's Note:**

> ngl this was inspired by a terrible ICP song.......


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